Outsourcing parenting

I was watching my daughter weave in and out of a local playground recently, smiling and giggling as she manoeuvred up climbing walls and down slides.  I was suddenly struck with the image of her now fully grown, watching kids of her own at the same park, and I had a feeling of remorse:  I wish she could stay this age forever.

That’s not completely true, of course.  I want her to experience life, to mature and to take advantage of opportunities that come her way.  I know one day she won’t be asking me to catch her at the bottom of the slide, and that’s not a bad thing.  I want her to grow up.  But not too quickly; you only get one crack at childhood, and in the right environment and at the right pace, it can be the best years of a person’s life. 

Childhood shouldn’t be rushed.  It’s worth taking time to learn new things.  Although some parents suggest that the best way to teach a child how to swim is to throw them in the deep end, most kids learn by taking baby steps.  They get used to the water as toddlers, learn kicking and floating techniques as they get a little older, until eventually they are treading water, swimming laps, and practicing life-saving CPR.  Likewise, you don’t throw a 10 speed at a toddler in order to teach them how to ride a bike; you don’t enrol your five year old child in Grade 12 –unless you have one exceptional kid.

This is probably the reasoning that was behind the uproar last week over the introduction and quick rescinding of a new sex education curriculum in Ontario.  There’s nothing new to controversies over sex-ed, but this particular lesson plan ruffled quite a few feathers.  The struggle is due in part to its blunt language, moving from sexual information to descriptions of sexual practices that are a little too uncomfortable for a broad base of parents.  Further, the curriculum was to be introduced at an early age.  Kids as young as 8 were to be taught about “visible and invisible” sexual differences, a strange topic, parents argued, for the vast majority of kids that age that had yet to reach puberty.

The premier of Ontario, Dalton McGuinty, defended the curriculum.  “We [can] provide it in a format and in a venue in which we have some control,” he stated, “or [the students] can just get it entirely on their own and be informed by potentially uninformed sources like their friends at school.”  He must have been surprised by the immensity of the opposition, for a day later he said, “It’s becoming pretty obvious to us that we should give this a serious re-think.”  Scheduled to be introduced in the 2010-11 school year, the curriculum has now been parked on the sidelines for the foreseeable future.

The fact is, many parents believe that it is their responsibility to provide a “format and venue” for teaching their children about sexuality.  And although the argument is held by more than those with religious beliefs, the Archbishop of Ottawa, Terrence Prendergast stated the Christian position clearly: “I think parents are the first teachers of faith and moral issues to children.”  From a Christian standpoint, sexual education is a moral issue, and therefore a parental issue.  Schools can help and support in the educational process, but parents are to provide the primary environment that enables the spiritual and moral formation of their children.  It is in the home, not the classroom, where character is first formed.

It’s fine to protest, but parents then need to realize that the burden rests on them.  For me, I am ultimately the guardian of my daughter, which is an awesome responsibility to say the least.  I want to take this responsibility on with both eyes open, and at a slow enough pace to build her confidence and maturity as she grows up.  Although I’m happy to take advantage of the tools and relationships out there that enable my parental task, I don’t want to outsource my parenting responsibility to anyone else.  I acknowledge that the subject of sexuality is inevitable, but I’m determined that I’m not going to throw my daughter in the deep end to learn how to swim.  It is my duty (and joy) to get her there safely, with the tools not only to survive, but thrive in the strange and uncertain waters of her adulthood.     

Comments

[Ryan]

I like this post a lot Jeff. In most arguments against programs like this, at least in what is reported, parents just seem angry. But you start with love and responsibility. You're not angry at all, but well-reasoned and caring. I like that.